Due to the last minute nature of the trip, I am stuck with a middle seat. I do not have a middle seat body. I hope the passenger next to me is a child, dwarf, or Kate Moss.

Uh oh. Young couple just sat down in row in front with a 2 year old...

I just got though Newark Airport security, and I'm sitting in the waiting area for my flight.  Thank God, the security guard didn't call the FBI on me!  I had a bottle of Diet Coke in my laptop bag!  I know, it's my fault.  I am well aware that you can't bring soda bottles through security, but REALLY!  It's just a damn bottle of soda...  At least the gentlemen was polite about telling me about my infraction.  He held it up between his gloved index finger and thumb and said, "NOT ALLOWED!"  He then proceeded to toss it in the trash.  Lucky me, twenty yards after security there was a Hudson News where I could buy another bottle of Diet Coke for only $3!  What luck!

...Now I'm on the plane an hour into flight.  There are two annoying [CENSORED] sitting next to me eating stinky homemade food.  They also had to ask for two snacks each from the flight attendant.  Lady is on her second cheese blintz  and Tera Blue chips.  They're eating like its their last meal.  I sure hope not.  Maybe they know something I don't about this trip.  Two kids in front and two kids behind.  Little [CENSORED]wont stop kicking back of my seat.  At least the screaming stopped.  Why do people have kids?  I'm glad my folks did, for obvious reasons, and I guess if people all stopped having kids the human race would end, but still...

... Twenty minutes later, and the brat is still kicking the back of my seat, the cabin stinks of farts or a dirty diaper or fumes from the lavatory.  I'm on a flying school bus.  The crazy old lady next to me, dressed in a baby blue velor jogging suit, is dancing in her seat while watching a mortgage refinancing commercial on the jetBlue TV.  KID STOP [CENSORED] KICKING MY SEAT OR IN THE OVERHEAD YOU GO, [CENSORED]!!  I want off this [CENSORED] plane.  I have to pee, but I can't get out.  I'm seated in a window seat because jetBlue gave my aisle seat away to some weird looking woman.  They did this even though I reserved an aisle seat 7 weeks ago.  [CENSORED]you jetBlue!  My legs are cramping.  I'm gonna die of a clot in my leg before this flight is done.  I just know it.

...Ha! Some guy just bumped his head on the bulkhead getting back into his seat.  DO IT AGAIN SILLY MAN!

... I think I have Uromysitisis poisoning .  A rare and dangerous syndrome that you can get from holding in your pee.  Seinfeld got it in an episode where they were searching for Kramer's car in the mall garage.  I need to go.  I could wake up the loons next to me, so I can get to the bathroom.  I hope the weird woman is enjoying my aisle seat.  I can't do it.  I can't wake them up.  Were making our decent.  El Capitain will put on the seat belt sign soon.  Its now or never.

...[CENSORED]!  The crazy woman next to me wouldn't wake up.  I guess it was the two smelly cheese blintzes, the bag of Tera Blue chips, and the chocolate chip cookies that put her out.  I was up and ready to move, but she wouldn't budge and then "DING!  Fasten seat belts please for our decent into..."  Gotta shut off my Droid now.  It could bring down the plane you know.

...On the ground now waiting for a gate to park this stupid plane.  I WANT OFF!

...In the terminal FINALLY!  Actually, it wasn't such a bad flight.  It was on time and not much turbulence.  I wonder what the nice lady next to me on the flight was eating.  It looked and smelled delicious.  Ah, there's a bathroom.  Orlando International is so clean.  It's good to be home.

Sitting on the plane at Orlando Airport, waiting for the flight attendant to tell us to turn off all devices for takeoff. I will be in NJ visiting family and then off to see Braves vs. Mets on Saturday at 1:10pm. This is my first game at Citi Field. I hope it surprises me. I am not a fan of this small stadium. Shea was ugly, but it was as big and loud as New York. It also looked like it belonged to the Mets. Citi looks like the home of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Note to Mets owners, the Wilpons...The Dodgers left town over 50 years ago. Get over it!

Time to stress out over the take off...not a fan of flying. Flying is fine, it's the crashing that I don't like. Gotta start my pre-flight OCD rituals. Let's Go Mets!

There was a time when jetBlue was a special airline.   Unlike Southwest Airlines (aka the 'flying bus') with their festival seating, jetBlue was affordable, the staff was friendly, and there was a TV set at every seat.  An egalitarian airline, jetBlue has but one class.  I'm telling you, flying jetBlue was a real pleasure, but all good things must come to an end.

In 2007,  jetBlue let an airplane full of passengers sit on the tarmac for over  8 hours, and as a result, suffered their first real negative publicity to date.  Not long after this incident, jetBlue created a passenger bill of rights and promised to do better.  Well isn't that just super?!  Eager to show the world that they had mended their ways, jetBlue overcompensated during the next snow storm, and canceled way more flights than their competitors.  I know this to be true because every person flying into New York to attend my parent's 75th birthday party (their birthdays are very close, so they decided to hold one big party) never made it there, including me!  Every other airline found a way to get guests to my parent's party, but jetBlue had its head up its fuselage that day.

So, the airline decided to err on the side of caution and cancel a bunch of flights, and I missed my parent's 75th (I'll catch the next one, don't worry), but what REALLY made me angry was that on the day in question you couldn't get through to jetBlue on the phone OR the web!  I had no idea, at the time, if my flight was canceled or still on time.  Unacceptable.  I know a little bit about the web, and even if their site went down, they could have posted a static html page with flight info updated every 20 minutes.  Regardless, a company the size of jetBlue should have web infrastructure contingency plans, especially if they are not going to answer the phone.

Time heals all wounds, anger subsides, and I gave jetBlue another chance.  They seemed to back on track with customer service, and once again I was flying the jetBlue skies.  Flash forward to present day.  I tried to book a flight on jetBlue.com tonight using the jetBlue gift card my brother and sister-in-law gave me for Christmas.  After searching for flights, choosing seats, and entering my contact info, I tried to pay with said gift card only to be informed that gift cards cannot be processed online "at this time."  I was instructed to call customer service to place my reservation and pay with the gift card.  I spoke with an jetBlue rep who informed me that you can't use gift cards online at all, not just "at this time", and she transfered me to the gift card department.  After waiting on hold listening to static filled elevator music for 15 minutes, my cell phone's battery ran out of juice and died!

What is up with jetBlue?  For such a 'hip' airline, they haven't quite mastered the web (or the phone for that matter).  Hopefully, the same rates will still be available tomorrow when I try once again to give jetBlue my money.  Come to think of it, they already have my money!  Even worse, they have my Christmas present money!!  jetBlue stole my Christmas present!!!  What's next?  I bet jetBlue goes to baseball games and steals foul balls from little children.  I heard a rumor that jetBlue hates puppies an kittens.  jetBlue goes to the movies and gives away the ending.  jetBlue's favorite software is classic AOL with dial-up.  jetBlue has two small German children in a cage, fattening them up with delicious food with plans to cook and eat them!  OK, so that last one was from Hansel and Gretel, and I'm pretty sure I did see jetBlue petting a puppy once, but the AOL thing is true.

On Tuesday, December 22nd, I packed my bags and headed to Orlando International to begin my holiday up North. After the normal routine of checking-in, I headed to the security checkpoint where I instantly noticed the myriad security guards just standing around chatting. Out of shape, slovenly dressed, and slack-jawed the guards joked around with one another and paid little attention to what was going on around them.

I approached the security entrance and gave my ID and boarding pass to the guard. I said, "hello," to a blank, uninterested face. The man scrutinized my boarding pass for a long time and checked my ID, making sure the picture on my ID matched my face.

Once passed the entrance, I queued up and began to wait to place my bags on the x-ray conveyor belt. While standing in line, I noticed an abandoned bag to my left. I waited to see if somebody came back for it, but as the lines marched forward, it remained. It was a large, black, canvas bag that looked nearly empty from the way it sagged in the middle. At this point, I remembered the recorded warning that plays over the PA system at the airport to report unattended bags to security personnel immediately. So, I did.

I summed the help of the closest of the four security personnel chatting to my right and informed him of the suspect luggage. The man stared at me for at least 10 seconds with a blank expression. He said nothing...ever. He did not say, "Thank you sir. I'll take care of it," or anything at all. I thought for a moment that he was angered or annoyed by me. He then sprang into action!

The security guard walked over to his colleagues and discussed the matter at length. It was after this meeting of the Rand Corporation Think Tank that it was decided to investigate the bag in question. It was poked and prodded and run through the x-ray machine. Problem solved!

I would have thought that there was a protocol for unattended luggage. One that the security guard would not even have to think about, but I was very wrong. More to the point, I would have hoped that the bag in question would have been discovered by security before I noticed it. It probably would have been overkill to push a panic button, clear out the terminal, and 'duck and cover', but shouldn't there have been some kind of hand-held technology that could sniff for explosives? Shouldn't a K9 unit be available for such a contingency?

Eight years after 9/11, the United States has buried its collective head in the sand. Security policy follows the notion of closing the barn door after the horse has been blown up. The Transportation Security Administration continues to fail the American people just as the private security setup failed us on September 11, 2001. More to the point, the Federal and State governments failed and continue to fail us every day.

Airport security should project an image of strength, professionalism, and a bit of fear. Staffed by former police and military, security personnel should be physically fit and well trained for every eventuality. In addition to the guards, there should be 'passenger advocates' that patrol the security area answering passenger questions and easing travelers nerves during the stress of getting through security. As an added benefit, traveler advocates would take the customer service burden off the security personnel The current screening process projects and image of a bunch of workers goofing off because their supervisor called in sick.

To be completely fair, I did notice some security personnel who did there jobs with professionalism and courtesy, but it is the bad apples that stick out and give a lasting bad impression.